we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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