she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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