I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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