I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
