if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
