so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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