i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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