Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
