If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
