i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
