it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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