I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
