Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
