You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
