True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
