I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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