my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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