She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
