My room smells like vodka and shame
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
