idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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