I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I touched a dick in church today
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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