I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
