Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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