Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize