I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I need a beard to bite.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
