Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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