He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
