Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
