he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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