just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
