Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
