well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize