his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
