Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
