He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
