It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
