Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
