Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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