That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
