Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
