Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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