Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
