booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
