my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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