Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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