You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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