My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
