just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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