Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
