Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The power of my boobs compel you
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
