And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
