I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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