I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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