Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
