What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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