There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize