i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
