clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize