Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
