If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He had one of those small greek statue penises
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
