I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
