Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
