oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
